end up dreaming instead of sleeping

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losing someone who is really close to your heart and someone you've loved for almost  forever is the hardest thing that i ever experienced, up until now i still cant imagine that my dad is really gone. i always expect him to be outside the house waiting for us to arrive... asking what food do i want to eat. everything he says.. i miss.  what do i want for my birthday. where do i want to celebrate. his calls always made my day. cant really believe this happened to me. so soon..23 years of existence i experienced to have a cool, awesome dad. but its not the end of the world yet but it feels like it is, missing my dad so much..but pretty soon we will be together again. and be happy,. maybe if he was still here he would not let me be this sad. maybe having markee in my young age has a reason, my dad saw his first grand child before he past away, i know he enjoyed being with my son for three awesome years, i know my dad prepared everything. he will never be replaced, we were so close we were like siblings. :) i know my dad is in a better place now, with my lolos' and my lolas' and his relatives and ofcourse my father in law.. i wonder how he is doing, i wonder if he can see me missing him, seeing me cry out his name. i hope he see how hard it is not to have him with me. not having a man in the family is  hard, my siblings are boys and a tomboy, yahhh lets call her that, and a husband..but they are not like my dad. who is really man enough and can decide on things. i wish i could turn back times and asked him all the questions i want to ask.  spent a lot of weekends with him.. maybe cooked for him more when my mom is away. so many i wish and wants... i know my dad died a happy man. he will always be remembered. missing you so bad daddy... i hope there's internet there :) kiddin'..
me and my dad..  August 06, 2012

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